Hoonies? WTF?
Welcome to Hoonies For Life. This site is entirely at the mercy of the triumvirate from whom it derives life: Ro, Newey, and Alli. Deal with it.
What in the bejeezus is a Hoonie? Is that some on-the-sly reference to your cocks? If it is, then your site’s name is completely stupid.
Any resident, former or current, of the University of Cincinnati’s Calhoun Hall is hereby entitled to call themselves a Hoonie. This is derived from a clever combination of ghetto slang (truncating any part of a word that’s just plain too much of a hassle to be bothered pronouncing) and pop culture (The Goonies). Quite quickly, it became the norm to refer to The ‘Houn, anytime a trip to the dorm was necessary. It will always hold a tender place in our hearts. Thus, we have deemed ourselves “Hoonies For Life”; kind of like a lifetime achievement award, except that it’s not.
Why does everything on this page seem to be unrelated?
Because it probably is. We tend to write whatever comes to us. There’s been some prose, some sports analysis, some social critiquing, outright humor, current events reporting, and utterly pointless rambling, coming in shifts, since the day we started this thing.
I’ve never seen this site before. Where do I even begin?
Check out Newey’s old post, “10 squared.” It, as you might guess, is our 100th post and chronicles the highlights of the first 99 quite well. Several of the best posts are linked from that one. Still a ways to go before we hit 15 squared, but I’m sure we’ll get there eventually, and probably do another similar post. Makes for a good way to remember some of the stupid shit we’ve done, and, as an added bonus, it’s written down where millions can actually see it.
The shit around here will update three or four times a week, then once in the next month or so. What the fuck?
Yeah. We get busy with stuff, or we just get downright apathetic. It comes and goes. Ro tends to not stick with his monthly themes, and our _____ of the week section, as the oft-abused joke goes, should probably be renamed to the _____ of the whenever-the-fuck-we-feel-like. Which has been less often as of late.
Why don’t any of those links at the top go anywhere?
Because we’re lazy. There is some good stuff in the works, and it’s been there for many moons. We just need to finish up a few more things before we can unveil them. And that, my friends, is proving to be the problem.
Christ, you fuckers are long-winded… what gives?
We’re long-winded. That’s it. Fuck off if you don’t like it. We’ve gotten pretty conceited during our site’s run (well, at least Roman has), and we’re (he’s) not about to shorten our ranting. We wouldn’t put stuff up here if we didn’t think it wasn’t worth reading. Okay, so a lot of the stuff we put up here really isn’t worth reading… but we figure with our generally lazy attitudes toward the site, long posts make up for infrequent updates.
I navigated here because of some random line of text I put into a search engine. Now I’m reading the FAQ. How the heck did I get here?
Remember the part about being long-winded? Yeah, when you put as many words down here as we do, it’s bound to come up in a search engine. In fact, our egos would like to humbly inform you that we’re Google’s number one (of 700 and change) result for “hoonies,” topping even hoonies.com. We’re totally sweet.
Who’s cooler; Ro or Newey?
Evan.
