I’m one of those jerks who always has to chime in with his opinion on movies. So listen up, kiddies: class is in.
There’s a movie called Closer (though I’m not sure if it’s pronounced clow-ser or clo-zer) that features a pretty amazing cast (Julia Roberts, Natalie Portman, Jude Law, & Clive Owen), and was “Finally… a love story for adults”. A quote from it also appears to have inspired the title of a Panic! at the Disco song (Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off). Sounds pretty fantastic, doesn’t it? Hey, I was mildly interested.
Well, let me go ahead and blatantly ruin the plot for you, same as I once did with Lara Croft: Part Speux.
Life is fucking misery. I’ve never been so unhappy throughout the entirety of a movie. None of the four main characters are what I would consider to be decent human beings. Nor do any of them find happiness. Except the asshole; and only sort of, for him. And the fucking song that comprises the first and final scenes consists of these inspiring lyrics, on a loop: “I can’t take my eyes off of you… I can’t take my… eyes off of you.” And then, GET THIS! It changes up, to: “I can’t take my mind off of you… I can’t take my… mind off of you…” Pretty fucking fantastic.
Moral of the story? Everything is misery. Assholes come out the farthest ahead. Chicks lie. And I paid four fucking dollars for the black hole that has been the last two hours of my life.
